When my daughter lived in South Korea, she walked by a military base on the way to her job each morning. She told me about seeing a group of young men out front one day playing Rock, Paper, Scissors and then seeing one guy just immediately pick up a broom and start sweeping. No argument. No refutation. Just sweeping. The die had been cast. The game had spoken. The decision had been made.
This image has stuck with me because, as a teacher, conflict is an ever-present thing to work through with students. “Whose turn is it to take the passes back to the office?” Rock, Paper, Scissors. “Whose turn is it to help with dismissal?” Rock, Paper, Scissors. If there is not a procedure in place for a certain task, Rock, Paper, Scissors. Done.
It’s such a simple thing. But so useful. It paves the way to help work out the conflict—simply.
Conflict is a killer of the soul and a destroyer of the mission. Or at least it gives bad vibes about whose turn it is to play with the jump rope or take a found lunch box back to the office.
Recently I read Proverbs 18:18 (ESV) which states, “The lot puts an end to quarrels
and decides between powerful contenders.”
That is what Rock, Paper, Scissors is—the lot. It is a method of determining the outcome of a decision in a fixed way that helps you get back to the business at hand. It does not derail you but helps you get back on track. It’s keep on keepin’ on–at its best!
As a teacher, I love preventative measures to handle conflict–to think about how to react even before you are in a situation.
Each year during the first week of school, I lead my students in an “Overlooking Minor Offenses” exercise to help pinpoint some of these potential conflict issues and how to handle them.
I am more convinced than ever that most conflict begins by slights or perceived slights. Understanding this and learning how to recognize these moments can be so helpful in letting the little things go.
We explore verses in the Bible about peacemaking and refer to some quotes from Ken Sande’s book, The Peacemaker. We talk through possible scenarios and distinguish between major and minor offenses.
Another way of low-conflict decision making is the name jar—the jar that has sticks with all the students’ names written on them. This is a great way to help “choose” who does what next.
Many times, I have referred to “the lot” when using the “pulling sticks” method of decision making– “The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.” (Proverbs 16:33)
Students feel so hopeful with raised hands and bright eyes, and then, when they see my hand moving toward the jar, they seem hopeless with dejected faces and downcast eyes. This used to confuse me, but then I realized it is their seeing the finality of “the jar has spoken” mentality. Their happy faces and pleases (or pleas) will get them nowhere. (And, I love it because it gets me off the hook from having to choose. Ha!)
One year when I only had four boys in my class, I was using the “pulling sticks” method to make groups. The boys were all begging to be in one group (of course!) to which I was reticent to acquiesce. Low and behold, when I pulled the names for the groups, all four boys made it into the same group. I had quoted the lot verse so often that one student exclaimed, “It’s God’s will!” So, yes, I Iet them all be together . . . that time.
So remember, whenever you need a sure-fire way of deciding or solving a stalemate quickly with minimal conflict, Rock, Paper, Scissors to the rescue!