“About Me” lists always crack me up. They are so “I” focused. We all do seem a little shortsighted or myopic about ourselves. But, it’s a quick way for someone to tell you about themselves or at least tell you what they want you to know. So, ironically, here’s my “About Me” list. An introductory bio page if you will. So here goes. I:

1. Live at The Kelton, but I shop at Aldi and eat soup straight out of a can.
2. Go to the movies at Clearfork AMC, but usually with a gift card or on a $5 Tuesday.
3. Live in a studio apartment, but most of my stuff is in storage.
4. Attend The Village Church (with the cool young kids), but we are considered salty.
5. Write, but I’m not a writer; I’m a feeler who needs an outlet to express words and thoughts. Which may or may not be in complete sentences. Maybe only fragmented thoughts or feels.
6. Love books, but usually check them out at the library, buy them used, or purchase them with an Amazon gift card.
7. Love to walk outside on the trail, but I am not an athlete or a marathon runner.
8. Love taking photographs, but I am not a photographer.
9. Love art, but I cannot draw or paint.
10. Love music but my favorites range from Handel to 80s rock.

Paradox? Well balanced? Confused? Mixed bag? Conflicted?

I always feel like a bundle of conflicting ideas. For example, on the Colors Personality Test, I’m a gold blue. Which means I’m all about the check list, but I have a bleeding heart as well. “So, yes, you better get that assignment turned in on time. Oh, your fish died? Give it to me next week.”

Making snap misjudgments of how things appear: We all do it. The “blink” that Malcom Gladwell speaks so well of in his book by the same title, most often is true, but not always. People are deeper than that. We are not just surface creatures. We have layers.

In the historical fiction book, The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare, one of the main themes is misjudgment based on appearances. This happens because of a lack of knowing or understanding a situation. The story is set during Colonial Times, but it is timely and timeless. The main character, Kit Tyler from the fringed blue shores of Barbados, sharply judges America as she approaches its bleak, unimpressive shores. She “blinks” and her first impression is not a positive one. This colors her entire existence as she lives among the New Englanders. Conversely, they strongly judge her as well. Neither side took the time to get to know or understand the plight of the other. They continued on in their snapped judgments. Until the end of the story. You should check it out.

This all ties in to some pandemic thoughts: Everyone is experiencing these strange times differently. Everyone’s situation is unique. This is not a one-size-fits-all pandemic. Hopefully, it’s a once in a lifetime one.

Some people regardless of a pandemic or not, appear to have it all together while others look at the point of collapse. You. Never. Really. Know. You can’t know. How can you know the depths of someone at a glance who is doing their best to just hold it all together? Not let their true inner situation show. Lest a single tear open the floodgate of waters which stand ready to break forth like Niagara Falls.

I recently read an article entitled: “Everyone Around You is Grieving. Go Easy.” That hit me like a ton a bricks. Everyone is grieving various things of sorts. Yes, the loss of a loved one is definitely at the extreme top of the list. Yet, we are all grieving the losses of something, whether it be tangible or intangible, large or small. The loss of normal things is still a loss. Not being able to see people that you love or do the things you usually do is a loss. A range of losses exists.

We need to not be in the habit of sizing up situations and decreeing that “My thing is harder” or playing the comparison game (like the commercial with the two old men at the pool comparing their past surgeries and the “you win” going to the one whose last surgery went “through the nose”) because you don’t really know the depth or complexity of the thing. You are saying that their pain isn’t real or important, or that it doesn’t even count. It does. Acknowledge pain. It is human.

Everyone is grieving in one sense or another. Everyone is experiencing some type of pain, large or small, imagined or realized, so let’s be quick to be kind. Smile. Love. Encourage. People need people. AND people need people who will listen and empathize, not judge and criticize.

So when we do our “blink” snapshot of others, let’s remember there’s more to the picture than meets the eye.